yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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