I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
