he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm like, not good at living.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
