What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
