What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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