That's when you crack a 10am beer
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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