oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
