Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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