I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
