You're completely useless in the revolution.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
