Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
