Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
