Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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