So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
