69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
