My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
