you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
