Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
