Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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