I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
