let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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