He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
