i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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