Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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