I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
