my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You smell like stripper and shame
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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