I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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