What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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