I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So much Jack, so little girl.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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