Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
