i think my tv is drunk
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
