so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
