people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
