...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
