i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
