Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize