those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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