In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
