census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
