Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
