thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
