i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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