I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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