Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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