dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
