YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
