took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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