My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
