I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so explain again why im purple
no
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
