there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
