I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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