I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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