im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's blow job season.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
