Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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