i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize