On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
