I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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