Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
