I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
