look no pants
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
