i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize