Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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