I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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