You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
God I need to hump something, right now.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
