i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
