3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
