U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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