So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
