Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I would ride that face into the sunset
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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