Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
