Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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