I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
