What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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