oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
