bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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