i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize