We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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