maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
