The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
