Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
