oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
