Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
