I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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