So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
