It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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