I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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