By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
