break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize