ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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