Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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