Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
