love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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