Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
