O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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