i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
