under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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