you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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