idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
