You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
