I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
