then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
