I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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